Losing Market Share

In Space, Bounty is no longer the quicker picker upper.

Sinners Repent !

The Rapture is upon us, and in our eleventh hour those doomed to be left behind will be subjected to horrific plagues, Earth's bodies of water will curdle with the blood of the wicked, and demons will be released upon the unfaithful signifying the imminent destruction of the modern regime's sinful despotism. Most regrettably, those doomed to suffer the wrath of the almighty God will never know the gilded joys of space station Jerusalem, and its never-ending supply of astronaut ice cream.

Way to go, horny space-teen!!

In space, asking a hot chick to share a Space-Blanket with you is a much easier task than asking her to share one with you on Earth. However, there are documented cases of an Earth babe agreeing here on the mother planet (see above).

* Picture taken here on Earth...not Space

In space, NASA's only true unit of measurement is a Domino's Pizza box....Although, if you asked them, they would probably rattle off words like "light-years" and "parsecs"...

Name calling in space has to stop!

In space, the debate between which pun is funnier to say, Sugargay or Coldgay, is still going on. It is the opinion of this author that both are incredibly disgusting, homophobic and void of any humor at all.

VS

What light over yonder window YAWN.

In Space, Romeo? More like Bore-Meo.

Maury Paternity Test: The Results Are In!

In space, Luke, Darth Vader IS your father. Holy shit!! Can you believe it???

Kitten vies to return to birth planet

In space-- Thursday the 24th, Kuigon Xiu (aka Princess Fluffington) attempted to return to his birth planet of Hsif. It was a last ditch effort to return home after the completely emasculating domestication process of the Earth feline. Armed with only his citrus helmet and a home made rocket, Xiu blasted himself away from Earth's atmosphere. While thoroughly prepared to avoid scurvy, he was not prepared for the other treacheries of space. When asked why he had not tried contacting his alien brothers Xiu sarcastically acclaimed, "[How] the fuck am I supposed to phone home?!"while wildly shaking his badly burnt paws.

You have 10 seconds to Comply

In space, there is no Arrest Mode.

In space, no one can hear you steam....

Lost in Space: Dear John #0053

Dearest Ozzie Bear,

It must get very lonely out in space, just as it has gotten terribly lonely here back in Akron. I don't know how to tell you this, but our inter-planetary love affair is over (Houston... we have a problem ;$). I think I knew it was over when you made that ill-timed joke about my mother's weight issues. This must come as a shock to you, but after contemplating our future I have come to the conclusion that I am too good for the run-of-the-mill astronaut (a regular Dick Scobee!). I am returning the photo you sent me, as it will only remind me of the time I have wasted on you. Please do not try to contact me when you return to terra firma.

Hope theres no hard feelings,

Donna

P.s. Please return my Carol King LP's

Planet X Revealed!

In Space, often hypothetically regarded by scientists as a planet that has an orbit beyond the shores of Neptune, it is discovered that Planet X is, in actuality, only one of the many facets of Roger. When asked for his reaction on this scientific revelation Roger commented "am I surprised? Intrigued? Surprised again? Perhaps perplexed..." and then concluded, "No, no, definitely surprised..."

Though Elie Wiesel Was Our First Choice....

In Space, it's always night.

Is it me? Is it you? Who knows...Guess Who!!

In Space, game cards ACTUALLY talk.....

Painter of Light

In space, stars burn out but are quickly replaced with paintings by Thomas Kinkade.

The WAY-Uptown Man

In space, Billy Joel may sell out back-to-back nights at every major space station, but it's his impromptu appearances that make him a true, Universal Superstar....

Space Police Academy

In space, the Police will attend elite academies where they are trained to Serve and Protect, be bound by an unimpeachable Code of Honor and enforce the Rule of Space-Law fairly and equitably across the Galaxy. Equitably, therefore, the universe will be exploded in totality by Tackleberry.

No Cause for Bellobration

In space, Bello Nock can leap further and tease his coiffure higher but he cannot emphatically say, "Check these guys out!" while pointing at albino tigers because sound does not travel in a vacuum and tigers can't stand space helmets.

Space politics

In space, for everyone else’s benefit, the comedian Bobcat Goldthwait is declared an independent nation and a permanent and total embargo is being enforced by the United Space Nations.

And a one, and a Two...

In Space many of Earth's monolithic structures can still be seen. Egypt's pyramids, China's Great Wall, Kennecott's Open Pit Mine, and Chicago's Cubs... losing.